Though He slay me...

Father, You give and take away

Every joy and every pain

Through it all You will remain…

A few weeks ago we visited a neighboring town’s church on Sabbath. When my dad's phone rang three times during the closing song, he finally stepped out into the foyer to answer it. The message was that one of our church members from back home was in the ICU... and his wife didn't make it. His wife didn’t make it. It’s so hard to believe. She was everyone's auntie...

Though tonight I’m crying out

Let this cup pass from me now

You’re still all that I need.

I know, I know that, like the story of Job, there’s more to the story that we can’t see. The blood of martyrs is seed, and I think driving to the first of the two little churches they faithfully attended every Sabbath counts as a martyr. Somehow, somewhere, Satan’s victory in this moment will become God’s glory in eternity. And yet, God has a thousand ways to bring souls to Him that we don’t even know about – why did it have to be this one? Why couldn’t it have been any one of the other 999? Why, oh, why did it have to happen in the worst way possible, to one of the worst people possible, at the worst time possible – only days before our church begins a depression recovery session for the community?

But I have learned over the years, I am blind. I do not see as God sees. In His eternal-weight-of-glory vision, this was the right way, the right person, the right time. My job is just to trust.

What is hardest for me to process is the unexpectedness. I would never have guessed… and God knows that I don’t do well with the unexpected. Why couldn’t He have given me a thought, a dream, or even just an unexplainable feeling in my spirit like He has for me before? Just so I could be emotionally prepared? Loss is hard, but the unexpected, a million times harder.

And yet, there’s this quote I remembered that I just looked up a few weeks ago: “The tenor of the Bible is to inculcate distrust of human power and to encourage trust in divine power” (DA 717). Or, I would say, that’s the tenor of life in general. And if the only reason why I didn’t have a thought or dream or unexplainable feeling in my spirit was to create in me a distrust in human power… then it is enough.

My heart and flesh may fail

The earth below give way

But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord

Lifted high on that day

Behold the Lamb that was slain

And I’ll know every tear was worth it all…

~ this blogpost is originally from my journal 😊

~ song lyrics from "Hills and Valleys" and "Though He Slay Me"